Saturday, October 2, 2010

De-Creative Writing: I Have A Strong Distaste For Black Primates

Behold the Gorilla; A creature of mischief, violence, and sodomy.
They have black skin, and dark hair. At night you can only see the whites of their eyes and that hideous, toothy grin. The beast could be stealing the bike out of your shed right at this very moment and you would not realize it until it's too late. It could even decide to come into your house while you are sleeping and violate you, your wife, or even your children. God help you if you are unlucky enough to have one move into your neighborhood.

Yes, they can even steal a house. I know this because several have stolen houses in my area. They only know how to take something they have not worked for. That lawnmower you just bought? It will vanish my friend, and it will be sold for crack money. They may be animals, but somehow they have learned these things. They have tasted the sweet taste of crack and they crave it above all else.

Fuck Bears. Bears are cuddly stuffed children toys compared to this menace. They have evolved the capability to blend into their surroundings, and disguise themselves as Humans. If you ever are confronted by one... Don't panic, for they have one weakness... Water. They cannot swim. This biological impairment can be used as an advantage to the non-ape. Calmly seek refuge in a pool, pond, or just some large body of water. The beast will soon lose interest and will find another non-ape to harass.

These are dark times. Be prepared and understand the problem.

May the great Cthulu protect you and your family.

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